A Weekend of Music

Emmagirl was in a production of The Who's Tommy this past week and weekend. I went to see it three times. I can never get enough of seeing my children and my "adopted" children perform. What an odd and disturbing story. I went so much as to spend an afternoon watching the movie prior to an evening performance. The movie was given to me by a man at the gym, a product of the time, who thought it was the best movie/musical ever made. I've had his copy for over a year. Many times he'd ask me if I watched it yet, and always my answer was no. Now I am sorry I did not take the time to watch before I stopped working so we could discuss it. It would have been very interesting to hear his comments, his take, and why it spoke to him. I tried to call him several times to invite him and take him to the musical at the college and never reached him.

On Sunday was the NGCB featuring My Handsome Prince. I never get tired of hearing him sing. Now he walks around singing something I would rather not hear, a catchy, irritating tune. This one is much better.

Self Indulgence

I have been weary, weepy, overwhelmed. My feelings have been hurt on more than one occasion by insensitive people. I have two homes that are a complete disaster. Purging and packing take so much physical and mental energy. As excited as I am to move, I know it will be so so difficult. So today, to relieve some stress, some pressure, I went for a walk. Honey and I walked a couple miles. She's a big fat fat fatty and could use the exercise. I'm on my way to a BFFF if I don't watch it because I keep reducing the classes I teach. Anyway, what a tonic to be out in the fresh crisp air and sunshine. Now I return to my busy life, with studying, school, proofing Audrey's senior portraits, and it's the opening night of The Who's Tommy at the college with none other than Emma in a significant role. Busy, busy, busy but I made time for me.

Number 29

Remember the list? Only a couple months and it has changed drastically. I'm not even trying #6 or #7 anymore. Today I did number 29. I applied for a job, on the shore, for the summer, totally out of my comfort zone. It's something totally out of my realm of knowledge, yet it was sent to me. Oh, to learn something new, to meet new people, to expand horizons. Just taking that first step is the greatest thing. Keep your fingers crossed.

Deep Sigh

On Friday, a little after noon, I loaded up the truck and hit the road. The ipod was on shuffle, rocking the beat, the sun was shining, windows down, on my way to pick Audrey up, on my way to the shore. Deep sigh. I felt relief. Relief from an extensive medical examination that showed no abnormalities after two prior minor tests showed a reason for concern. I felt elation at the sun shining, warmth spreading down my arm out the window. I felt contentment, going to the shore with my girl, meeting my sister and her gang. I crossed the bridge the water shining bright, ahhh. I reached home, inhaled deeply, for I love the smell of this house, unpacked a bit, took a look around and discovered it was looking more like a home than a vacation getaway. I cracked open a 90 minute IPA, again, ahhh. And so began the weekend.

We hosted my sister, her husband, their 3 children, plus their chinese exchange student, whose American name is Ocean, and their 2 dogs. The house was an explosion of noise with growls, yips, scuttling paws, laughter, music, wonderful chaos, with a tiny getaway in my back bedroom for brief escapes. Shopping at the ACTS store in the morning, heading our separate ways for the afternoon, meeting back for a romp on the beach and hosting another family for dinner and the chinese teacher made for a fun filled weekend. Sunday was quiet after everyone left, a bit of peace, a bit of sadness.

We played the jump game

Some of us got in the water

Some just played on the edge


And some worked wonders with the dogs

I Got Love for You

Michael Franti wrote a song for his son when he turned 21 and hopped on a bus to find his own way in the world. It's about loving, leaving, seeking, waiting, shining. It's tender, sweet, freeing, giving, inspiring and so lovely to hear performed live. It is a treasure.

Michael Franti rocked the house, again. This was the end of his tour and I got to see it twice, I don't think New Orleans counts. He brings such enegy to the stage, such good vibes, such rocking fun! We had dancing girls and dancing guys with Cherine Anderson, who were totally uninhibited. There were no breaks between songs, a constant beat. At one point as MF started a love song, he invited this girl up, asked if she had a boyfriend, invited him up then gave him the mic to sing "All I want is You". The guy professed his love to MF, to Spearhead, then got down on one knee pulled out a ring and professed his love to his girl. Everyone loved it! The same little guy that was in DC (with his fingers in a perpetual peace sign )was at this concert. He was brought on stage and sang loudly and clearly, in its entirety "Say, Hey I love You". He was only 4. We went again with My sister and her husband, who brought their daughter and their Chinese exchange student, who had to be reeled in once in a while she was enjoying it so much. She would dance her way up closer to the stage. We met some friends from church, some we knew were going to be there some we didn't. There was a girl behind me, totally smashed, who constantly petted my hair, wrapped her arms around my neck, held my hands in the air and danced. There was a guy in front of me who smelled like beef and cheese with a funky hat that obstructed my view. Everyone danced, everyone sang and no one left so we did not get to say "Hey, I love you". That's ok, I already did it at the last one. He knows it.

After the concert, we met our eldest, Emma for her first legal drink in a bar. She and some of her friends were dressed in 80's gear. She was nervous, excited and a little tipsy already. We did car bombs, mmmm, and something else called a chocolate cake which I could have done without but a chance to do shots with your daughters friends? How can you pass up the invitation to be at the party, part of the party? I hope she is well this morning.

Earlier in the day, she had arranged a laser tag party. There were birthday parties going on all over this laser tag place but they were for 11 year old boys not 21 year old girls. We intimidated this group of kids who were going to play with us (they thought against us) but the place broke us all up so we were all mixed together. Let me say this. Laser Tag Rocks! It is so much to run around in the dark, hiding, seeking, attacking, being attacked (everyone knew when I was attacked as I always screamed), getting lost. I can't wait to do it again. And I didn't wet my pants laughing, well not much anyway.

How did it come to be that this little baby is 21? And there is another right behind her forging her own path. When did I age?

Lloro

I am a cryer. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am hurt. I cry when I listen to music. I cry when I am angry. I cry when I watch Lifetime movies. This definitely made me cry. How could it not when she stands there, shaking, lips quivering and says "This is for my mommy." This kid stepped way out of that comfort zone, for me, for her youth group, for people in Mexico. Get a box of tissues.


Don't Ever Change (Amy Rigby)
I took a walk in a small town Sunday morning
Just to see what was going on
Sat watching two guys fishing in the river running through
Like there was nothing wrong, nothing wrong
They had their lines in the water ten feet apart
Beer guts, t-shirts, me with my heavy heart
I don't have religion but I'm trying to pray
And I never liked fishing but I wanted to stand up and say

Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change
Don't ever change
Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change

I picked my daughter up at school last week
She had her headphones on, she barely said hello
And all I wanted was to hug her, smother her with kisses
But I was cool, like hi there, how did it go?
She had chipped nail polish, writing on her hand
She was nodding her head to her favorite band
Staring into space like she was all alone
But I didn't take it personal
It meant that I was home and I said

Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change
Don't ever change
Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change
Don't ever change

I'm holding on to everything that's good in this world
There's a lot that's good in this world

I saw my baby sitting there at the breakfast table
His hair a mess and he forgot to shave
And I wished that he would get up, make it all better
Stop drinking so much, learn how to behave
Then the radio was playing a Chuck Berry song
And he was looking at me asking what was wrong
I made a list of the things I could say
But he gave me a wink and it all went away, I told him

Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change
Don't ever change
Hey I love you, you're perfect, don't ever change
Don't ever change

Time

I have a bit of that today. The morning has been quiet, with the exception of the dog constantly barking at the fan in the back of my truck and the sound of My Handsome Prince's pacing. The truck is full because we had a realtor out to look at the house on Friday and a family come look at the house on Saturday after we listed on Craig's list, just to see if there was any interest. We contacted a realtor and listed the house because our youngest, a junior in high school, decided she was done with high school and pursued a fourth year waiver, completely on her own. Which means she is a senior now instead of a junior. Additionally, my Mother underwent a bi-lateral knee replacement. My Handsome Prince spent an evening at the emergency room, thought he passed a kidney stone and recovered, but is now having more issues. Ay! Dios Mio!

But today, MHP is seeing a doctor, My Mother is being released, Audrey is home from school and will do some sorting, decluttering, packing and hanging out and I have my first Math exam today. We will move slowly today instead of the pace we kept last week and we will continue to move forward.

Si, Se Puede

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
- President Obama

My Mother called me, she said she laughed, she cried, she sang along. My daughters came home, one from school the other from Europe, dancing around to Michael Franti's tribute to our new President. Audrey asked if I cried, because she knew I did, and stated her drama teacher sobbed(the one who made the wonderful commencement speech for the class of 2006).

It's a new day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd9xU8cw1JE

Knitting Sunshine

This is what I am doing today. Sitting in the sunshine, with Apple Sunshine on my lap, knitting a scarf. I hope to finish it today.

I am operating on the "no news is good news" policy. Emma has been gone for 5 days. She is travelling in Scotland and England singing with her choir. She had just finished 6th grade the first time she travelled without us, going to Hawaii on a People to People expedition for two weeks. She called home several times with a calling card, the last time being the night before departing Hawaii saying she did not want to come home. That's a good call. Audrey spent New Years in California with her best friend. She called home everyday, sometimes more than once a day, with joy, laughter, excitement, speaking a bit of spanish. They were good calls. My girls are growing, becoming adults, not needing me as much...as I need them. So I sit and knit, repetetively, and wait for my children to come home.

A Walk in the Woods

I already started the list, I met my sister, her boys, and dogs for a walk in the woods.

Our path

The walkers

Carl taught me how to use his bow

Balance -using my core, dog on leash, camera in hand

Dog walk dog

And for a moment, we were still, listening to the trees

Yesterday it was My Birthday

Yesterday it was my birthday

I hung one more year on the line

I should be depressed

My life's a mess

But I'm havin' a good time

- Paul Simon

Well, not really, I shouldn't be depressed, but my life is always a mess. But I'm having a good time. This is us at the airport, waiting in line, sending Emma off to Scotland and England to sing. What a lucky girl. I spent 8 hours, again, in the car, driving to Dulles, waiting, driving home. Not exactly my idea of fun, but somehow we manage to make it fun. We laugh, we take photos, we tell stories.

It's time for the list again. In reviewing last year's birthday list, at first I was a bit disappointed that I did not realize about half, but then I recognized the fact that what I did accomplish took quite a bit of effort, mainly school, so I'm ok with that.

46 Things to do do before I turn 46

1. Music - expereience some new, still look for some old favorites. Being a bit more vague because if an artist does not come to town, then it becomes a bit more difficult, I still want to see Ozomatli and Anders again. Michael is already scheduled.


2. Continue my college education


3. I NEED to finish more unfinished creative projects so will try to keep a running tab on what I manage to accomplish - Be more aggresive in posting to Use What You Have


4. Take a photography class


5. Take a photoshop class


6. Continue with Project 365


7. Resume Self Portrait Challenge


8. Sell our house


9. rent an apartment for the next year, this is so we only own one house


10. Get a job for the summer on the eastern shore


11. Publish my blogs (a must!)


12. Make peace with my demons/people. Accept them for who/what they are and move on


13. Travel - Puerto Rico is on the horizon, so is Mexico and New York, still want to go to Philadelpia, maybe a trip to Chicago to visit family, a music festival somewhere (New Orleans is always a possibility but would like something new, too)


14. Local Museums - including the Visionary Arts, BMA, Holocaust


15. Go ice skating - that's a bee in my bonnet for the last week or so


16. Spend more time with my sister


17. Join or start a creative group - the women's retreat never happened and maybe that's too big - start small with a group that meets weekly/monthly/or quarterly


18. Buy some new cowboy boots, oh yeah


19. Go for walks


20. Continue exploring the eastern shore


21. Kayak


22. Ride, ride, ride


23. Be kind to myself


24. Continue to purge, including clutter and weight - an ongoing process


25. Annual mash and flash


26. Build a fire pit or two, one at each house?


27. Get back on the blogging wagon


28. Physical challenge - Either the 10K with Peach or the Seagull Century with some Y people or both


29. Do something that scares me - might need to do some research on this one or not- there are many things that scare me


30. Organize recipes


31. Organize photos


32. Organize clippings


33. Order ACE certification materials


34. Zumba certification?


35. Drink more water


36. Service projects - Charlottes hats, Santas Helpers Anonymous, Rubarb


37. Spend more time with my parents


38. Attend church at Lansdowne (once a month?)


39. Etsy shop


40. Bake bread


41. Yoga more than once


42. Talk to strangers


43. Hook a rug


44. Speak spanish


45. Take time to play, play games, play creatively,


46. Host a party down the shore

And there you have it. That's a mighty big list. Again, some things will happen and some will not (like those organizing ones, dang! they are no fun, but need to be done). I may review and make changes. The point is to make the list and see what it brings.

Happy New Year

It is Saturday, the beds have been stripped, the laundry has been done, the dishes washed and it is time to head west and north. It's tough living between two places.

The girls were not with us to ring in the new year, although Emma missed us so she arrived late on New Years Day. Gotta love that girl.

So what's it going to be this year? I'm making my list, my shirt says hope, I'm drinking a 90 minute, with friends and family, playing rockband. Sure started out good.

Season Stories

In no particular order:

Meeting a friend at Paneras for breakfast, waiting, camera on shoulder, a man walks up to me and states that they have been waiting for a photographer to come take their picture. What they did not expect was for me to turn around and say Ok, gather together, let's do it! What started as a casual comment turned into a 20 minute conversation with the invitation to join them for breakfast for they meet there every morning. What a wonderful thing to have a gathering place!

Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA rocks! After work Christmas eve, eve at Laura's, drinking, laughing, smoking, carrying on like good bad girls. A heartfelt exchange of bracelets that we have worn, each one speaking of the other. The best time and best gifts, gifts of self.

Delivering for Santa's Helpers Anonymous, all 4 of us. What an incredibly organized system! After we had loaded our Expedition, I took a shopping cart back to where the action was taking place, loading, maps, food, presents, etc. and I could not help but cry, witnessing the jolly (for everyone was!) helpers who had been there since who knows when in the morning handing out the boxes. All the volunteers who were there to deliver, the good cheer that went from one person to another. And the woman, who when we dropped off her packages, hugged each one of us, and told us Merry Christmas and God Bless.

Hearing my daugher sing Breath of Heaven always leaves me a mess.

The last minute shopping due to school, which practically gave me a breakdown, and the letter that stated I made the Dean's list with a 4.0 which made it completely worthwhile.

The smell of wonderful goodies from my youngest who works so well in the kitchen.

Shopping with my youngest who is a child after my own heart, get in, get what you want, get out. Laughing, making spectacles of ourselves, in the moment with each other, feeling our groove together and my heart warm.

Coming home from Christmas Eve service to discover that Gus, the old hound, ate my gift. A box of 28 chocolates from John & Kira's. Need I say more? I swore that if he did not die from ingesting that amount of chocolate, I was going to kill him. He ate through the UPS shipping box and the chocolate box and did not enjoy a single chocolate, just scarfed them down in a second or two I'm sure, then spent the evening pacing, drinking, and going outside. He then slept all day on Christmas, the shithead.

The art gallery in my living room on Christmas Day, supplied by my Uncle, the incredible photographer and photoshop manipulator, each of uschoosing what we wanted, but also the fact that what we chose was what Auntie had actually chosen for each one of us. The knowledge of family.

My daughters who believe in the birth of Jesus and the wonder it brings yet still leave cookies and milk for Santa.

The gathering of various family units that happen when you both come from two divorced parents and the joy that exists in each.

And just like that, it was over. We will not be together for New Year's this year. I will miss my girls, one is an adult and wants her own parties, traditions as it should be and one will be visiting her best friend who moved to California. It is a trip that she has been waiting for since the move in September. My Handsome Prince and I will host a small party with co-workers of his from that side of the bridge, Peach will join us and so will Mom. Peach and I will try the water on New Years Eve and New Years Day, because we can. She would like to make a banner like mine, so I will provide the supplies for banners again. I don't know if I will make a new one or not for I feel I am still working on seeking. We'll see.

Lucinda Williams plays in the cd player while I blog, knit, and pick up and drink a Dogfish Head, the girls are playing together, and the Smaj is messing with all the electronics like a boy does. Oh, and the dogs are all alive.

Lists

They keep me in line most of the time. I'm making my list to do massive shopping Thursday. I'm going to the shore to do it, visiting some of my favorites in Lewes and of course a couple outlet stores in Rehoboth. With school, there has been no crafting, no shopping, no decorating, no baking. It will all come after tomorrow, after my last exam. A challenging stressful semester. I revisited my birthday list and have only achieved maybe half of what I set to do. I'm okay with that. I'll just make another this birthday. My education has taken priority over all the items on the list, and it shows. I achieved a 197 out of 200 on my math final. I'm hoping to achieve greatness on my others as well.

Thankfulness

A bit late, but heartfelt non the less

A clean scan for the SMaj just two days before Thanksgiving.

The bond of sisterhood

My Three Rockin' friends who never fail to bring laughter to the occasion.

Uncle Pat and da boys

Sisters who open the sisterhood to their cousin

Reuinting with an old friend after 25 years

Young girls who put up with me

cold water

the abililty to jump

Oh there is so much more to be thankful for.

Franti Friday

It's Franti Friday on my public radio station, WTMD, Towson. I plan on tuning in. Wednesday night he was playing in DC at the 9:30 Club. Li'l Sis, her hubby, My Handsome Prince, Peach and me all went to hear and see him. We were all loose and feeling the groove. Peach and I road with Li'l Sis and E, with MHP meeting us as he was at the shore. We were late, typical for some (teehee), but deciding to get our Mexican on beforehand made us even later. Still, laughing, eating tacos picante, talking about brown chicken/brown cow and #86, I get a text "Where you @?" MHP was apparently hanging outside with Michael Franti while he played soccer with fans with breaks for push ups, pumping himself up for the performance. Oh yeah.

The opening act was a group by the name of Soliliquists of Sound, a hip hop, rap, group that was waaaay out there. Not someone I would have chosen to see but actually quite fun. Cherine Anderson followed for just a couple songs, then....the man himself. He opened with "Hello, hello" and right away the crowd was singing along. The man was on fire all night, never stopped, played for 2 1/2 hours straight. Michael Franti puts on a show! I tried to get a photo of hands in the air for that was the position of the crowd most of the time. Crowds are just as much fun sometimes as the act and this crowd did not disappoint from the prom queens in front of us, the sweaty shirtless guy next to us, the 4 or 5 year old child on his father's shoulder holding a perpetual peace sign with his fingers, and the guys who Cherine chose to dance with her. It was totally different from the Jazz Fest performance but totally made me love Michael Franti even more.

This morning while listening to the radio, I texted my sister that he was on, now, live. "Where are you?" she says. Close to Towson I respond. "You know we are welcome to go to the station". We discuss do we go or do we not, and in a matter of seconds decide yes, the only thing holding us back is fear, yet the worst that could happen is we would not see him. So I called the station "Can we come in and meet Michael Franti?" Their response "Oh, I'm sorry, he's not here today, it's a prerecorded session." They never said no. Hmmmmmm.

Cookie Thursday

My sister has cookie wednesday. Her status on Facebook yesterday was "Rachel is it's cookie wednesday, I wonder if MF wants one." For me it's cookie Thursday. It seems to be a day when I can take a breath. Sometimes on Thursdays I go to lunch with a friend, sometimes I have coffee with my neighbor, and most times I make cookies right before I go to work. Today was snickerdoodles. Do you want one?

This Week in List Form

Math exam tomorrow
Spanish essay due Thursday
Observation report due Saturday
Throw in regular, daily homework and reading
Work tonight
School tomorrow
Work Thursday
Emma on Friday
Window treatments on Friday
Girls clean on Saturday
Church on Sunday
Paint on Sunday
Wash, rinse, repeat

Oh, but guess what I am doing tomorrow night?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUt7fuK8Mno


Nothing will ever match the jazz fest performance but no matter, just the opportunity to see him again. I'm going with my favorite concert goers plus a new one. We'll see what the evening brings.

New Shoes

My BFFL put on some new shoes. Shortly before she left this morning, we were dancing around the kitchen to this song.

The original plan for the weekend at the shore was just Audrey and I, homework, walking the dogs, painting her bedroom. I planned on a bit of crafting and playing house. I had invited my BFFL but never heard whether she was actually coming until after Audrey and I hit the road. Her visit is just what we both needed. This is what we did:









Bonded playing rockband

Found symbolism in many things, past and present

We went thrifting where Audrey and Laura found their common interest, vintage, crazy clothes, Audrey finding an 80's colorful jacket and Laura a cheerleading outfit.

We went to the beach, where Laura totally indulged and participated in my pledge to get into the water every time I am here. She was lucky enough to have not gone commando.

The water was cold and cleansing and wonderful. We received laughs and smiles from observers and luckily did not get arrested for public nudity when we stripped down as discretely as possible in the parking lot.

There are advantages to having a car full of crap, sheets to dry off with and extra clothes to change into even if they are sweaty or extremely large.

Peach and Twink, kindred spirits. The first time my daughters saw her crossing the parking lot from the back, they both said, "She looks like you Mom". We stayed up late everynight, we quoted movies, talked music, watched Superbad, played rockband with Audrey who kicked our asses and laughed. We were in the moment. When she left this morning, she cried a bit. I'm missing her already. We will be back to work, crossing paths at the Y, and I'll probably be calling soon for a massage. This wednesday we will go together to see Michael Franti, now that will be a party.

Audrey and I are sitting here watching Hook, her favorite movie when she was about 4. I thanked her for sharing our weekend with Laura. She laughed and said, "She's just like my friends." We will pack up shortly. It's always a bit difficult to leave but I always know I can come back.

Slowing Down

It's raining today. I've had 4 cups of coffee and still am managing to maintain a calm. The house is finally warming up with the fire in the wood stove. I have one dog sleeping beside me, the other on the couch in the living room (I'm so glad I purchased a slipcover for him to sleep on). I'm listening to a combination of Mike Doughty, Michael Franti (who else?), Joan Osborne, Nickle Creek, Delta Spirit, and Josh Ritter, all sort of acoustic, calming with the exception of you know who. I'm studying for a test in Exercise Science. I will probably bake something to continue that warming, calming feel. I will read a chapter in Buddhism for Mothers book. Ebb and flow as the coolest person I know says. It feels good.