Thursday, October 29, 2009
This is me these days. I decided in June of 2008 to bite the bullet and do something that scared me, that fascinated me, that made me think differently. It is not something I ever regret. I do not know how long I will keep them. I do not know what I will do when/if I cut them. I just don't know. What I do know is that I have completely stepped outside the box in terms of my appearance. I no longer fuss with my hair, dislike the way something is going with my hair, or am overly concerned with my hair, obviously. It has freed me. Incredibly. I have subjected myself to judgement in the hopes that I will become less judgemental. As crazy as this sounds, but if I can do this to my appearance, what other things can I accomplish? What other things that scare me, that are outside my comfort zone, that are a bit daring can I do? They inspire confidence. The amount of patience to get even this far is an art itself. In a world of instant gratification, this is an ongoing project that I am not sure will ever be finished. So I have learned to develop patience. There is so much more to dreading my hair than a hairstyle. In fact, it is the anti-hairstyle. But yet, it is not about not caring. Clear as mud, right? Yet it makes sense to me. And as the process continues, so does my reason to have them. I have been surprised by the response. Some people don't say anything, that is fine. They are the ones who are polite, don't understand, and don't want to hurt my feelings. Some are curious such as the older women in their 70's at church one time who wanted to touch them. There was the old man at the auto store who looked at me, broke into a huge grin, laughed and said "I like your hair". Several african american women ask me why I did it. I didn't realize how much I would be remembered. It never occured to me and so it is an added bonus. But, I have never, yet received a negative comment. They are me. They fit. It feels right, at least now and when it doesn't, well, that is when they come off. And so that is why I did it, do it, and continue the journey.