Sunday, February 03, 2008

My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready to Go


to school, that is. I've packed my books, some toiletries as I will be coming straight from work, no time for a shower, lunch will be packed in the morning, along with a snack. Can't forget the ipod or cell phone. I'll be gone all day, home for bit of sup, then back to class in the evening. Can you say terrified?

Today was Youth Sunday, in addition to being Super Bowl Sunday. My daughter's youth group led the service with the theme of Crossroads. Two weeks previous, they had gone on a retreat and spent the weekend talking about crossroads, how to deal, what kinds they face, along with a letter from a parent about facing crossroads. I did not speak of my crossroads, maybe I should have.

I have found myself on the verge of tears and in tears at every conflict, pressure, or failing today. My mind has not been on the day itself, but not on tomorrow, either. I have felt that I am a fool. Where did I get such false confidence, such cockiness, to think that I could swing this? I can't even go to the grocery store with a list or turn in a receipt for expenses. I don't have time to help my Mother, where am I going to find time to study?
I faced the crossroads of the decision to go to school and now I face other crossroads with my attendance in school. I am not a failure. I am a success. I will take the advice I gave to my daughter on her retreat. Pray. Open my heart, open my mind. Answers come in the strangest ways and places. Embrace this crossroads, it is mine to do with what I wish. Regardless of the result, the decision, my family is with me, God is with me, I am not alone. Yes, I am still terrified, thrilled, still on the verge of tears, but in the morning, I know I will be at peace. I will find my way. I will be okay.

4 comments:

Meredith said...

I like your blog and congrats on getting back to school! Doing things that intimidate you always gives you pride at the finish line...

Anonymous said...

Dana,

Take Courage! That was a billboard we saw all over London so many years ago; an add for Courage Lager. I am so proud of you; I am so proud of both of my daughters. I know you will do well. I will help if I can.

Love Dad

weirdbunny said...

Don't be sad ! Change takes a while to get used to, but don't exhaust yourself, it's just not worth it !

Chris said...

Dana,
I barely know you and what I do has been mostly from periodicaly reading your blog...but...I am so incredibly proud of you (can an email friend say that?!) and happy for you!!! The doubts and fears are normal...if you didn't have them, then you should be worried!!! You are in a good place now...a bit out of your comfort zone, but trust in the ONE who can help you through it all. Don't try it alone...go one hour, one day at a time...hold onto what you know is true! You will be awesome!!!! I'm so jealous...especially would love to be in the spanish class!! I'm so thrilled for you!!!! Take care, Chris